So I was standing in line at Chipotle. Because it was Friday. My doctor told me to go on every day with six letters.
Anyway, my homeboy Juan is going through the motions, making everyone's burrito to perfection, maybe a little small talk here and there, when this smug-looking douchebag with a goofy grin steps up to be helped.
"What would you like on your burrito, sir?"
Hmmm.....SURPRISE ME!
"..."
Surprise.
me.
The juxtaposition of those two words makes me cringe. How bout I take a shit in your burrito, would that be surprising enough for you? I hated people like that, acting all pseudo-charming, even when I was just working at BruinCafe and I had to ask them to decide between fruit and chips. "Surprise me!" Shut the fuck up and just PICK SOMETHING, I'm not hear to entertain you or read your mind, I'm here for the shitty paycheck and free food!
This.
is.
problematic.
So I'm in history lecture and this dude decides to raise his hand. Strike one.
He begins to speak. "I just wanted to make a comment on something..." Strike two.
He continues: "So I was watching CSPAN the other day, and..." Strike three. I officially hate you.
Does anyone else think it's odd when people end emails with "cheers"?
Car alarms can be entertaining when they're far away and you know it's probably driving at least 200 people in the nearby apartments insane.
Using my dictionary as a frisbee is my favorite form of word play. Haha. See what I did there?
I like pillow talk. I tell it everything.
I wouldn't wanna f*ck with the chicken they had to kill to make my chicken fingers.
If I take care of chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
I think it's great we're cutting the wings off of buffalo. Imagine if those things could fly. Imagine getting buffalo shit all over your windshield.
I wanna see a dog with a tongue piercing.
That's not word play. I just do.
Ahh... I love falling asleep to the low humming sound of a fan on a warm night. Goodnight.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
F-ing Time
Everyone knows that time seems to speed up as you get older. Summer vacation felt like an eternity in middle school, but now it practically flies by.
I've always thought that this was because each year is relatively smaller to the total time you've lived. For example, when you're 4 years old, one year represents 25% of your lifetime. At 20, a year is a mere 5% of your life. Birthdays stop being such a big deal. After 21, no one really give's a sh*t about your birthday until you hit 30, and after that, you pretty much go by the decade.
Anyway, I found this chart made by some dude who has a similar hypothesis but decided to waste a ton of time coming up with complex equations to explain our "Effective Age," (EA) which reflects the idea that based on our perception of time, our lives are halfway over by the time we're 10. Assuming we live into our 80s.
That kinda scares the crap out of me. I've taken comfort in the idea that modern medicine will progress enough in my lifetime to make living to be 100 much more common... and since I'm 21, I should have at least 3 more lifetimes to live, right? But according to this chart, I'm practically 70% through my perceived time alive.
So.
Depressing.
Time to turn to religion.
...or Chappelle!
I've always thought that this was because each year is relatively smaller to the total time you've lived. For example, when you're 4 years old, one year represents 25% of your lifetime. At 20, a year is a mere 5% of your life. Birthdays stop being such a big deal. After 21, no one really give's a sh*t about your birthday until you hit 30, and after that, you pretty much go by the decade.
Anyway, I found this chart made by some dude who has a similar hypothesis but decided to waste a ton of time coming up with complex equations to explain our "Effective Age," (EA) which reflects the idea that based on our perception of time, our lives are halfway over by the time we're 10. Assuming we live into our 80s.
time (yrs.) EA (yrs.) Life%
0 0.0 0
1 12.6 16
2 20.0 25
3 25.2 32
4 29.3 37
5 32.6 41
10 43.7 55
15 50.5 63
20 55.4 69
30 62.5 78
40 67.6 85
50 71.6 89
60 74.8 94
70 77.6 97
80 80.0 100
That kinda scares the crap out of me. I've taken comfort in the idea that modern medicine will progress enough in my lifetime to make living to be 100 much more common... and since I'm 21, I should have at least 3 more lifetimes to live, right? But according to this chart, I'm practically 70% through my perceived time alive.
So.
Depressing.
Time to turn to religion.
...or Chappelle!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Poor little fatties
I remember reading an article on abnormal psychology and childhood obesity. Apparently fat people are often mentally unstable. (Makes sense when you compare the percentage of our country that's overweight and the percentage that believes Obama is a Muslim non-citizen terrorist-sympathizing socialist maniac.)
Anyway, on the side of the article there was a photo of a fat kid gleefully frolicking across the beach right above a caption grimly describing the epidemic of obesity in this country. Did this kid agree to have his picture published? Was he bribed with a 3 Musketeers? Maybe that's why he looks so happy in the photo. Were his parents f*cked up enough to allow this to happen? The article was in a textbook at least 10 years old and it's very possible that the kid has reached the age where he might be studying this shit. How distressing would it be to outgrow your embarrassing tubbster phase just to find a photo of you prancing around the sand in all your obese glory branded into the side of an article about abnormal psychology condemning mentally unstable fatties. After all those years of bullying you endured and all the hours you put in at the gym to hide your insecurities with bulging pecs, a little picture published in millions of textbooks comes back to undo ALL THAT EFFORT ASDLFASHKDFASALFJDS!
Anyone recognize me circa 1998?
I'm so sad I can't find the picture I'm actually talking about...Anyway, to all the poster children for those anti-childhood-obesity campaigns: I salute you.
Anyway, on the side of the article there was a photo of a fat kid gleefully frolicking across the beach right above a caption grimly describing the epidemic of obesity in this country. Did this kid agree to have his picture published? Was he bribed with a 3 Musketeers? Maybe that's why he looks so happy in the photo. Were his parents f*cked up enough to allow this to happen? The article was in a textbook at least 10 years old and it's very possible that the kid has reached the age where he might be studying this shit. How distressing would it be to outgrow your embarrassing tubbster phase just to find a photo of you prancing around the sand in all your obese glory branded into the side of an article about abnormal psychology condemning mentally unstable fatties. After all those years of bullying you endured and all the hours you put in at the gym to hide your insecurities with bulging pecs, a little picture published in millions of textbooks comes back to undo ALL THAT EFFORT ASDLFASHKDFASALFJDS!
Anyone recognize me circa 1998?
I'm so sad I can't find the picture I'm actually talking about...Anyway, to all the poster children for those anti-childhood-obesity campaigns: I salute you.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
All art is quite useless.
The artist is the creator of beautiful things.
To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.
The critic is he who can translate into another manner
or a new material his impression of beautiful things.
The highest, as the lowest, form of criticism is a mode
of autobiography.
Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt
without being charming. This is a fault.
Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things
are the cultivated. For these there is hope.
They are the elect to whom beautiful things means only Beauty.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.
Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of
Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.
The nineteenth century dislike of Romanticism is the
rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass.
The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of
the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect
use of an imperfect medium. No artist desires to prove
anything. Even things that are true can be proved.
No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy
in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.
No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything.
Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art.
Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.
From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is
the art of the musician. From the point of view of feeling,
the actor's craft is the type.
All art is at once surface and symbol.
Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.
Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.
It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.
Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work
is new, complex, and vital.
When critics disagree the artist is in accord with himself.
We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he
does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless
thing is that one admires it intensely.
All art is quite useless.
- Oscar Wilde
To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.
The critic is he who can translate into another manner
or a new material his impression of beautiful things.
The highest, as the lowest, form of criticism is a mode
of autobiography.
Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt
without being charming. This is a fault.
Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things
are the cultivated. For these there is hope.
They are the elect to whom beautiful things means only Beauty.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book.
Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
The nineteenth century dislike of Realism is the rage of
Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.
The nineteenth century dislike of Romanticism is the
rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass.
The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of
the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect
use of an imperfect medium. No artist desires to prove
anything. Even things that are true can be proved.
No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy
in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.
No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything.
Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art.
Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.
From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is
the art of the musician. From the point of view of feeling,
the actor's craft is the type.
All art is at once surface and symbol.
Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.
Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.
It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.
Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work
is new, complex, and vital.
When critics disagree the artist is in accord with himself.
We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he
does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless
thing is that one admires it intensely.
All art is quite useless.
- Oscar Wilde
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Crap. It's August.
Totally had a dream within a dream last night. Crazy stuff.
I wonder who the first person was that, after tasting alcohol, decided to keep drinking enough of that sh*t to get a pleasant side-effect and tell all his (I'm assuming it was a man) friends to give it a shot. (bad pun intended)
I wonder who the first person was to find out that kissing feels good.
I wonder who the first person was to say, "This will be the year 1!"
I wonder who the first person was to create sand boobs for their buried friend at the beach.
Sometimes it's hard to remember a relative's age, even a sibling. Unless they were born in the year 2000. Then I'm pretty good at remembering.
Is it weird that I find it weird that people have birthdays after the year 2000? I can't imagine writing a birthday like "6/21/00" or even "01" or "02." I had to register for random forums for advertising for my internship, and to check if the user is of "suitable age" (13), you have to agree that you were born before July-whatever-date of 1997. Being born in '97 makes you qualified for something?! Goddamn. I feel old. It already feels weird to know I was born in the 80's. '89 shouldn't count.
Speaking of time, I think everyone should have a countdown clock constantly reminding them how much time they have left until they're, let's say 60 years old. I feel like it's harder to disregard time when you see it ticking down, and there's nothing you can do to stop it... People might be less inclined to waste it.
Anyway, I wonder who decided that there would be 60 seconds to a minute, 60 minutes to an hour, and 24 hours to a day.
Actually I kind of know. The word on the street says it was the Egyptians. They had a base-12 counting system and were the ones who invented the sundial. Instead of counting their 10 fingers, they used their thumbs to count the 3 creases where the joints are in each finger (12 on each hand). Since a sundial only works during the day, they only had 12 units (hours) to the day, so to get a full cycle of day and night, we just have to double that number to get 24.
Betcha didn't know THAT.
//edit:
What I wrote above was from what I remember learning a while ago, but I found an article that seems to explain it better. I'm just speculating though, I'm too lazy to actually read the article right now, but here it is for all the nerds like me out there:
Why are there 60 mins in an hour?
I wonder who the first person was that, after tasting alcohol, decided to keep drinking enough of that sh*t to get a pleasant side-effect and tell all his (I'm assuming it was a man) friends to give it a shot. (bad pun intended)
I wonder who the first person was to find out that kissing feels good.
I wonder who the first person was to say, "This will be the year 1!"
I wonder who the first person was to create sand boobs for their buried friend at the beach.
Sometimes it's hard to remember a relative's age, even a sibling. Unless they were born in the year 2000. Then I'm pretty good at remembering.
Is it weird that I find it weird that people have birthdays after the year 2000? I can't imagine writing a birthday like "6/21/00" or even "01" or "02." I had to register for random forums for advertising for my internship, and to check if the user is of "suitable age" (13), you have to agree that you were born before July-whatever-date of 1997. Being born in '97 makes you qualified for something?! Goddamn. I feel old. It already feels weird to know I was born in the 80's. '89 shouldn't count.
Speaking of time, I think everyone should have a countdown clock constantly reminding them how much time they have left until they're, let's say 60 years old. I feel like it's harder to disregard time when you see it ticking down, and there's nothing you can do to stop it... People might be less inclined to waste it.
Anyway, I wonder who decided that there would be 60 seconds to a minute, 60 minutes to an hour, and 24 hours to a day.
Actually I kind of know. The word on the street says it was the Egyptians. They had a base-12 counting system and were the ones who invented the sundial. Instead of counting their 10 fingers, they used their thumbs to count the 3 creases where the joints are in each finger (12 on each hand). Since a sundial only works during the day, they only had 12 units (hours) to the day, so to get a full cycle of day and night, we just have to double that number to get 24.
Betcha didn't know THAT.
//edit:
What I wrote above was from what I remember learning a while ago, but I found an article that seems to explain it better. I'm just speculating though, I'm too lazy to actually read the article right now, but here it is for all the nerds like me out there:
Why are there 60 mins in an hour?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Books
Reading is good. I'm will finish all of these books by the end of the summer.
Sophie's World: DONE!
Acts of Faith: DONE!
Thus Spoke Zarathustra: in progress
A. Lincoln: in progress
Malcolm X: almost done!
Oscar Wilde - the Major Works: in progress
Stem Cell Now: DONE!
The Prince: almost done!
Scarlet Letter: haven't started
Killing Pablo: haven't started
I can do it!
Sophie's World: DONE!
Acts of Faith: DONE!
Thus Spoke Zarathustra: in progress
A. Lincoln: in progress
Malcolm X: almost done!
Oscar Wilde - the Major Works: in progress
Stem Cell Now: DONE!
The Prince: almost done!
Scarlet Letter: haven't started
Killing Pablo: haven't started
I can do it!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Apparently I'm a Fattist Idealist.
Came across this ridiculous article while doing research for my internship:
WALL-E's 'fattist' satire angers fat pride groups
"Fat pride"? Are you sh*tting me? Being proud to be fat is about as reasonable as being proud to be a diabetic. Or ugly. Or handicapped. Which are all pretty much side-effects of being a fat f*ck. I guess as a straight, white, (and non-overweight) male, it's hard for me to find sources of pride that are socially acceptable to express.
White pride? That's a no-no.
Straight pride? That's just odd.
Man pride? When does it end... we might as well all just be proud to be human. Hmm.
You know what, I hope that one day, aliens take over. Why? I'll tell you.
If I'm in SoCal and I come across someone workin' some Sharks/Giants/A's/Warriors/Niners/Raiders gear: instant connection.
If I'm at another school and I come across someone in UCLA attire: instant connection.
If I'm out of state and I meet someone from California: instant connection.
If I'm out of country and I meet another American: instant connection.
It doesn't even matter if we exchange a single word, I'll automatically feel a sense of camaraderie with this person. And you know you would too.
So now imagine we've been enslaved by aliens. Imagine how united we'd be. Every time you see another human, "What up, man!" So damn excited just to see another person. Hopefully the aliens will have a derogatory term for us, so we can bond over the word and eventually be the only ones allowed to use it. "Human Pride" wouldn't sound so retarded anymore.
Actually, I just realized: I guess it would be better if aliens TRIED to take over the world, but we dominated them and enslaved their alien asses. Dude... imagine unleashing Al-Qaeda, North Korea, all the genocidal maniacs in Africa, the sheer number of Chinese and Indian people, and the combined nuclear power of the world... ALL that sh*t directed at some unfortunate extraterrestrial b*tches. Team Humanity would put up a hell of a fight. And once we begin exploiting the aliens for cheap labor, we'd be too busy discriminating against them to hate on our own kind! What can I say, I'm an idealist.
And we could still have "Human Pride," just 'cause it's in our nature to be assholes.
"A lot of people have gaydar... I have fatdar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not."
-Zach Galifianakis
P.S. I don't hate fat people. I just judge them. Watching a fatty chow down at McDonald's is like watching an asthmatic do this:
It just makes me angry and sad. And I'm mainly talking about those who are morbidly obese and bring a chair to lounge in while they wait in line at KFC for their family-sized bucket of popcorn chicken. But if you just got a little chub, I really don't care.
WALL-E's 'fattist' satire angers fat pride groups
"Fat pride"? Are you sh*tting me? Being proud to be fat is about as reasonable as being proud to be a diabetic. Or ugly. Or handicapped. Which are all pretty much side-effects of being a fat f*ck. I guess as a straight, white, (and non-overweight) male, it's hard for me to find sources of pride that are socially acceptable to express.
White pride? That's a no-no.
Straight pride? That's just odd.
Man pride? When does it end... we might as well all just be proud to be human. Hmm.
You know what, I hope that one day, aliens take over. Why? I'll tell you.
If I'm in SoCal and I come across someone workin' some Sharks/Giants/A's/Warriors/Niners/Raiders gear: instant connection.
If I'm at another school and I come across someone in UCLA attire: instant connection.
If I'm out of state and I meet someone from California: instant connection.
If I'm out of country and I meet another American: instant connection.
It doesn't even matter if we exchange a single word, I'll automatically feel a sense of camaraderie with this person. And you know you would too.
So now imagine we've been enslaved by aliens. Imagine how united we'd be. Every time you see another human, "What up, man!" So damn excited just to see another person. Hopefully the aliens will have a derogatory term for us, so we can bond over the word and eventually be the only ones allowed to use it. "Human Pride" wouldn't sound so retarded anymore.
Actually, I just realized: I guess it would be better if aliens TRIED to take over the world, but we dominated them and enslaved their alien asses. Dude... imagine unleashing Al-Qaeda, North Korea, all the genocidal maniacs in Africa, the sheer number of Chinese and Indian people, and the combined nuclear power of the world... ALL that sh*t directed at some unfortunate extraterrestrial b*tches. Team Humanity would put up a hell of a fight. And once we begin exploiting the aliens for cheap labor, we'd be too busy discriminating against them to hate on our own kind! What can I say, I'm an idealist.
And we could still have "Human Pride," just 'cause it's in our nature to be assholes.
"A lot of people have gaydar... I have fatdar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not."
-Zach Galifianakis
P.S. I don't hate fat people. I just judge them. Watching a fatty chow down at McDonald's is like watching an asthmatic do this:
It just makes me angry and sad. And I'm mainly talking about those who are morbidly obese and bring a chair to lounge in while they wait in line at KFC for their family-sized bucket of popcorn chicken. But if you just got a little chub, I really don't care.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Good ideas.
First of all, I believe we should take over Canada and call it New Alaska. Why? Who cares. Because it'd be funny. F*ck you.
Next, how to create a hit pop song:
1. Awkwardly sing your own name, then auto-tune it a la "Jasoooon Derulooooo."
2. Take a retarded pick-up line and auto-tune it, a la "Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock!"
3. Repeat.
Example:
" ♪ Aleeexx Reicherrrrrt ♫ (I need more vowels in my name)
Is your name summer? 'Cause you're hott oooOOOoooOOO
'Cause you're so hott yeahh oooOOOoooOOO "
(Me, as soon as this shizz goes mainstream)
Lastly, a stereogram t-shirt! Amazing idea. Especially if you love having people intensely stare at you.
(Stare long enough, you'll see some birds or something:)
Imagine this. On your shirt! Or on the crotch area of your pants... "Stare long enough, you'll see something in 3D."
Next, how to create a hit pop song:
1. Awkwardly sing your own name, then auto-tune it a la "Jasoooon Derulooooo."
2. Take a retarded pick-up line and auto-tune it, a la "Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bed rock!"
3. Repeat.
Example:
" ♪ Aleeexx Reicherrrrrt ♫ (I need more vowels in my name)
Is your name summer? 'Cause you're hott oooOOOoooOOO
'Cause you're so hott yeahh oooOOOoooOOO "
(Me, as soon as this shizz goes mainstream)
Lastly, a stereogram t-shirt! Amazing idea. Especially if you love having people intensely stare at you.
(Stare long enough, you'll see some birds or something:)
Imagine this. On your shirt! Or on the crotch area of your pants... "Stare long enough, you'll see something in 3D."
Monday, July 12, 2010
Rage. Road Rage.
It's a good thing James Bond doesn't get road rage. With cars like this, who knows what could happen...
"Asshole cut me off?! Eat lead, motherf*cker!!"
"Asshole cut me off?! Eat lead, motherf*cker!!"
Sunday, July 11, 2010
¡GOOOOOOOOOOOL!
Imagine how annoying watching basketball would be if the commentators got this excited every time there was a score...
World Cup is over. Back to caring even less about soccer.
World Cup is over. Back to caring even less about soccer.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
La la la
It's going to suck to be a history major in 1000 years... so much more shit to learn. And primary sources from the 21st century will consist of twitter and stupid blogs. I guess with every passing year, being a historian gets a little bit more difficult.
I wonder how Mexico feels about New Mexico. We should rename Alaska "New Canada." And where is the original "Jersey"? or "Zealand"?
Dumb things I believed as a kid:
-that drinking milk would make my teeth whiter.
-that eating ice cream would make me feel warmer on a cold day because it would cool down the inside of my body and make the outside air seem relatively warmer.
-that "auspicious" was a typo for "suspicious" because "a" and "s" are so close on the keyboard
And this is why I think Kesha is a talentless, white-trash, shitty-version-of-Lady-Gaga who can do nothing but crap out "catchy" songs that appeal to the lowest common denominator:
What. The. F*ck...
I need to find a job.
I wonder how Mexico feels about New Mexico. We should rename Alaska "New Canada." And where is the original "Jersey"? or "Zealand"?
Dumb things I believed as a kid:
-that drinking milk would make my teeth whiter.
-that eating ice cream would make me feel warmer on a cold day because it would cool down the inside of my body and make the outside air seem relatively warmer.
-that "auspicious" was a typo for "suspicious" because "a" and "s" are so close on the keyboard
And this is why I think Kesha is a talentless, white-trash, shitty-version-of-Lady-Gaga who can do nothing but crap out "catchy" songs that appeal to the lowest common denominator:
What. The. F*ck...
I need to find a job.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Summer!
So I potentially have a lot of free time this summer. I guess I'll start updating more again!
OK so I haven't researched this at all, but I seriously don't understand the point of signing credit card receipts. You could change your signature each time and no one would give a crap. My signature has evolved (or degenerated) to look like a Richter scale graph, and I doubt there will be an ramifications. (I really love the word "ramifications," it's like a more badass way to say "consequences." I never say "consequences" anymore.)
And don't even get me started on the stupidity of those credit card touch screen signing pads... good god. Am I the only one whose signature ends up looking like a Rorschach inkblot?
I guess you can kinda make out the A and the R...
I should probably make some summer goals. Word on the street is that writing down your goals and saying them out loud makes you more likely to go through with them.
Goal #1: Think of more goals.
Happy Summer everyone!
OK so I haven't researched this at all, but I seriously don't understand the point of signing credit card receipts. You could change your signature each time and no one would give a crap. My signature has evolved (or degenerated) to look like a Richter scale graph, and I doubt there will be an ramifications. (I really love the word "ramifications," it's like a more badass way to say "consequences." I never say "consequences" anymore.)
And don't even get me started on the stupidity of those credit card touch screen signing pads... good god. Am I the only one whose signature ends up looking like a Rorschach inkblot?
I guess you can kinda make out the A and the R...
I should probably make some summer goals. Word on the street is that writing down your goals and saying them out loud makes you more likely to go through with them.
Goal #1: Think of more goals.
Happy Summer everyone!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Another boring post.
Too lazy to write anything original right now.
So anyway, Ben Franklin was pretty awesome. Aside from inventing a ton of shit and helping found the most powerful nation on the planet, he did a little writing as well ("A penny saved is a penny earned," "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail," "God helps those who help themselves." Ring any bells?). In his 20s he made a list of thirteen virtues that he felt were an important guide for living. These virtues can be divided into those related to personal behavior (temperance, order, resolution, frugality, moderation, industry, cleanliness, and tranquility) and those related to social character traits (sincerity, justice, silence, chastity, and humility). Take a look and consider what this guy has to say.
Benjamin Franklin's 13 virtues:
Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.
So anyway, Ben Franklin was pretty awesome. Aside from inventing a ton of shit and helping found the most powerful nation on the planet, he did a little writing as well ("A penny saved is a penny earned," "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail," "God helps those who help themselves." Ring any bells?). In his 20s he made a list of thirteen virtues that he felt were an important guide for living. These virtues can be divided into those related to personal behavior (temperance, order, resolution, frugality, moderation, industry, cleanliness, and tranquility) and those related to social character traits (sincerity, justice, silence, chastity, and humility). Take a look and consider what this guy has to say.
Benjamin Franklin's 13 virtues:
Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
History?
I should seriously be a college counselor. I've sampled more majors than anyone else I know, and I have a very good idea of what most north campus majors are like.
I've taken an intro course in:
-Communication Studies
-Sociology
-Statistics
-Acting/Theatre
-Psychology
-Macro/Microeconomics
-Physics
My UCLA timeline looks something like this:
Music -> Comm, maybe Sociology -> Psych -> Econ -> Stat -> History?
I'd be surprised if people didn't roll their eyes at that. That's not even slightly amusing. It's just ridiculous. Not something I'm proud of, but hopefully once I graduate (whenever that is) I can look back and laugh.
Here are my thoughts on each major:
Music
Ethnomusicology is probably the easiest major on campus, but Performance is far from it. Music Theory and History are both a pain in the ass, and on top of that you have to take your GE's and rehearse for Philharmonia 6 hours a week (which blows too). Majors are supposed to practice at least 3 hours a day (I averaged about 40 mins) and this doesn't include chamber ensembles. If you don't practice and you suck during your lesson, you get bitched at. If you DO practice and do well, you raise the standards of the professor. It's a vicious cycle; a battle I always lost.
Communication Studies & Sociology
I think it's fair to lump these both into one category. Both are pretty much bullshit majors. Sociology majors admit it, but Comm Studies majors tend to get butthurt when you tell them this. They're convinced that since Comm is so hard to get accepted into, it must be legit. The only reason it's so difficult to get into is because a ton of people know it's a joke once you're accepted, all the dumb hot sorority girls who dream of being in the entertainment industry think Communications will lead them down that path, and naturally the combination of these two groups leads to thousands of applicants. I don't really care for the counselors at Murphy Hall and I'm sure it doesn't take much training to do their job, but when I told them I was considering Comm Studies, even THEY say it's a waste of time.
How to become a Communications major in 3 easy steps:
-Don't take Comm 10 til you've been admitted. It's the only hard class in the major. (Maybe avoid Comm 1 too, unless you get a good professor.)
-Stick with upper div Comm classes til you've been admitted. Counterintuitive, I know. But very true. There's an entire class dedicated to "body language." I took an upper div Comm class called "Principles of Argumentation/Debate," literally didn't do half the work, and walked away with an A.
-Remember Comm 10? Yeah. Treat this class like you treat the people flyering on BruinWalk and avoid it like the plague.
Economics
Combine this department with Political Science and you've pretty much got 90% of frat row. Then you got all the Asians in the Business fraternities. The majority of people that major in Economics don't really give a shit about Econ, they just figure it's the fastest way to a six figure salary. Half of them are douchebags set on becoming investment bankers. Most of the material you're educated in is theory, and rarely seems applicable to real life. Like Comm and Sociology, majoring in Econ seems like a huge waste of time. But unlike Comm and Sociology, nothing in Economics is particularly interesting. Plus, majoring in Economics doesn't even give you an edge if you're planning on going to business school. I don't think a lot of people realize that in comparison, engineers, English and Psych majors have just as good a chance (if not a better chance) of getting into a decent business program.
Psychology
I have respect for Psych. I feel like when you get to the core of most north campus majors, it all boils down to Psychology. It's a good balances of the social sciences and the natural sciences. Given that Psych is the most popular major at UCLA, I'm guessing most of the people who decide to major in it are the ones who have no idea what they want to do with their lives. Nothing wrong with that. Plus, I feel that learning about the way people think is generally a good thing to educate yourself in to prepare you for, you know, life? This department is potentially saving socially awkward people from themselves!
So yeah, I can appreciate Psych.
Statistics
Useful!
Marketable!
Boring as hell.
I realized the only thing I found interesting in Stats was probability. I thought it'd be useful in gambling at some point. The association of Stat with gambling made it temporarily cool. Then I realized everything else it concerns is lame, and I can learn about probability in my spare time if I want to. I don't need to major in f*cking Statistics to do that.
Honestly, in general most north campus majors aren't very marketable, so it doesn't matter what you major in anyway. A lot of this stuff you don't need to be taught. Professors are just there to force you to learn it on your own. Students end up teaching themselves most of the material anyway. (I can only speak for all the majors I've experienced, can't speak for engineering or life sciences.) School makes me bitter sometimes.
And this is why I'm considering History:
"The advantages found in history seem to be of three kinds; as it amuses the fancy, as it improves the understanding, and as it strengthens virtue.
-David Hume
Scottish philosopher
You wanna major in history now too, huh?
Pet peeves of the week:
-Below-average-looking girls who think they're hot
-Girls with mustaches
God forbid I meet a girl with a mustache who thinks she's hot...
I've taken an intro course in:
-Communication Studies
-Sociology
-Statistics
-Acting/Theatre
-Psychology
-Macro/Microeconomics
-Physics
My UCLA timeline looks something like this:
Music -> Comm, maybe Sociology -> Psych -> Econ -> Stat -> History?
I'd be surprised if people didn't roll their eyes at that. That's not even slightly amusing. It's just ridiculous. Not something I'm proud of, but hopefully once I graduate (whenever that is) I can look back and laugh.
Here are my thoughts on each major:
Music
Ethnomusicology is probably the easiest major on campus, but Performance is far from it. Music Theory and History are both a pain in the ass, and on top of that you have to take your GE's and rehearse for Philharmonia 6 hours a week (which blows too). Majors are supposed to practice at least 3 hours a day (I averaged about 40 mins) and this doesn't include chamber ensembles. If you don't practice and you suck during your lesson, you get bitched at. If you DO practice and do well, you raise the standards of the professor. It's a vicious cycle; a battle I always lost.
Communication Studies & Sociology
I think it's fair to lump these both into one category. Both are pretty much bullshit majors. Sociology majors admit it, but Comm Studies majors tend to get butthurt when you tell them this. They're convinced that since Comm is so hard to get accepted into, it must be legit. The only reason it's so difficult to get into is because a ton of people know it's a joke once you're accepted, all the dumb hot sorority girls who dream of being in the entertainment industry think Communications will lead them down that path, and naturally the combination of these two groups leads to thousands of applicants. I don't really care for the counselors at Murphy Hall and I'm sure it doesn't take much training to do their job, but when I told them I was considering Comm Studies, even THEY say it's a waste of time.
How to become a Communications major in 3 easy steps:
-Don't take Comm 10 til you've been admitted. It's the only hard class in the major. (Maybe avoid Comm 1 too, unless you get a good professor.)
-Stick with upper div Comm classes til you've been admitted. Counterintuitive, I know. But very true. There's an entire class dedicated to "body language." I took an upper div Comm class called "Principles of Argumentation/Debate," literally didn't do half the work, and walked away with an A.
-Remember Comm 10? Yeah. Treat this class like you treat the people flyering on BruinWalk and avoid it like the plague.
Economics
Combine this department with Political Science and you've pretty much got 90% of frat row. Then you got all the Asians in the Business fraternities. The majority of people that major in Economics don't really give a shit about Econ, they just figure it's the fastest way to a six figure salary. Half of them are douchebags set on becoming investment bankers. Most of the material you're educated in is theory, and rarely seems applicable to real life. Like Comm and Sociology, majoring in Econ seems like a huge waste of time. But unlike Comm and Sociology, nothing in Economics is particularly interesting. Plus, majoring in Economics doesn't even give you an edge if you're planning on going to business school. I don't think a lot of people realize that in comparison, engineers, English and Psych majors have just as good a chance (if not a better chance) of getting into a decent business program.
Psychology
I have respect for Psych. I feel like when you get to the core of most north campus majors, it all boils down to Psychology. It's a good balances of the social sciences and the natural sciences. Given that Psych is the most popular major at UCLA, I'm guessing most of the people who decide to major in it are the ones who have no idea what they want to do with their lives. Nothing wrong with that. Plus, I feel that learning about the way people think is generally a good thing to educate yourself in to prepare you for, you know, life? This department is potentially saving socially awkward people from themselves!
So yeah, I can appreciate Psych.
Statistics
Useful!
Marketable!
Boring as hell.
I realized the only thing I found interesting in Stats was probability. I thought it'd be useful in gambling at some point. The association of Stat with gambling made it temporarily cool. Then I realized everything else it concerns is lame, and I can learn about probability in my spare time if I want to. I don't need to major in f*cking Statistics to do that.
Honestly, in general most north campus majors aren't very marketable, so it doesn't matter what you major in anyway. A lot of this stuff you don't need to be taught. Professors are just there to force you to learn it on your own. Students end up teaching themselves most of the material anyway. (I can only speak for all the majors I've experienced, can't speak for engineering or life sciences.) School makes me bitter sometimes.
And this is why I'm considering History:
"The advantages found in history seem to be of three kinds; as it amuses the fancy, as it improves the understanding, and as it strengthens virtue.
"In reality, what more agreeable entertainment to the mind, than to be transported into the remotest ages of the world, and to observe human society, in its infancy, making the first faint essays towards the arts and sciences? To see the policy of government and the civility of conversation refining by degrees, and everything that is ornamental to human life advancing toward its perfection? To mark the rise, progress, declension, and final extinction of the most flourishing empires; the virtues which contributed to their greatness, and the vices which drew on their ruin? In short, to see all the human race, from the beginning of time, pass as it were in review before us, appearing in their true colours, without any of those disguises, which, during their lifetime, so much perplexed the judgment of the beholders? What spectacle can be imagined so magnificent, so various, so interesting? What amusement, either of the senses or imagination, can be compared with it? Shall our trifling pastimes, which engross so much of our time, be preferred, as more satisfactory, and more fit to engage our attention? How perverse must that taste be, which is capable of so wrong a choice of pleasure?
"But history is a most improving part of knowledge, as well as an agreeable amusement; and, indeed, a great part of what we commonly call erudition, and value so highly, is nothing but an acquaintance with historical facts. An extensive knowledge of this kind belongs to men of letters; but I must think it an unpardonable ignorance in persons, of whatever sex or condition, not to be acquainted with the histories of their own country, along with the histories of ancient Greece and Rome.
"I must add, that history is not only a valuable part of knowledge, but opens the door to many other parts of knowledge, and affords materials to most of the sciences. And, indeed, if we consider the shortness of human life, and our limited knowledge, even of what passes in our own time, we must be sensible that we should be forever children in understanding, were it not for this invention, which extends our experience to all past ages, and to most distant nations, making them contribute as much to our improvement in wisdom, as if they had actually lain under our observation. A man acquainted with history, may, in some respect, be said to have lived from the beginning of the world, and to have been making continual additions in his stock of knowledge, in every country.
"There is also an advantage in that knowledge which is acquired by history, above is what is learned by the practice of the world, that it brings us acquainted with human affairs, without diminishing in the least from the most delicate sentiments of virtue. And, to tell the truth, I scarce know any study or occupation so unexceptionable as history, in this particular. Poets can paint virtue in the most charming colours; but, as they address themselves entirely to the passions, they often become advocates to vice. Even philosophers are apt to bewilder themselves in the subtilty of their speculations; and we have seen some go so far, as to deny the reality of all moral distinctions. But I think it a remark worthy the attention of the speculative reader, that the historians have been, almost without exception, the true friends of virtue, and have always represented it in its proper colours, however they may have erred in their judgments of particular persons. Nor is this combination of historians, in favour of virtue, at all difficult to be accounted for. When a man of business enters into life and action, he is more apt to consider the characters of men as they have relation to his interest, than as they stand in themselves, and has his judgment warped on every occasion, by the violence of his passion. When a philosopher contemplates character and manners, in his closet, the general abstract view of the objects leaves the mind so cold and unmoved, that the sentiments of nature have no room to play, and he scarce feels the difference betwixt vice and virtue. History keeps in a just medium betwixt these extremes, and places the objects in their true point of view. The writers of history, as well as the readers, are sufficiently interested in the characters and events, to have a lively sentiment of blame or praise; and, at the same time, have no particular interest or concern to pervert their judgment."
-David Hume
Scottish philosopher
You wanna major in history now too, huh?
Pet peeves of the week:
-Below-average-looking girls who think they're hot
-Girls with mustaches
God forbid I meet a girl with a mustache who thinks she's hot...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Worth reading.
'Remember ... that human life is the journey of a day. We rise in the morning of youth, full of vigour and full of expectation; we set forward with spirit and hope, with gaiety and with diligence, and travel on a while in the straight road of piety towards the mansions of rest. In a short time we remit our fervour, and endeavour to find some mitigation of our duty, and some more easy means of obtaining the same end. We then relax our vigour, and resolve no longer to be terrified with crimes at a distance, but rely upon our own constancy, and venture to approach what we resolve to never touch. We thus enter the bowers of ease, and repose in the shades of security. Here the heart softens and vigilance subsides; we are then willing to inquire whether another advance cannot be made, and whether we may not, at last, turn our eyes upon the garden of pleasure. We approach them with scruple and hesitation; we enter them, but enter timorous and trembling, and always hope to pass through them without losing the road of virtue, which we, for a while, keep in our sight, and to which we propose to return. But temptation succeeds temptation, and one compliance prepares us for another; we, in time, lose the happiness of innocence, and solace our disquiet with sensual gratifications. By degrees we let fall the remembrance of our original intention, and quit the only adequate object of rational desire. We entangle ourselves in business, immerge ourselves in luxury, and rove through the labyrinths of inconstancy, till the darkness of old age begins to invade us, and disease and anxiety obstruct our way. We then look back upon our lives with horror, with sorrow, with repentance; and wish, but too often vainly wish, that we had not forsaken the ways of virtue. Happy are they ... who shall learn from thy example not to despair, but shall remember, that though the day is past, and their strength is wasted, there yet remains one effort to be made; that reformation is never hopeless, nor sincere endeavours ever unassisted; that the wanderer may at length return after all his errours, and that he who implores strength and courage from above shall find danger and difficulty give way before him. Go now ... to thy repose, commit thyself to the care of Omnipotence, and when the morning calls again to toil, begin anew thy journey and thy life.'
Friday, February 19, 2010
Monster.
I'd imagine this to be true:
I feel like in the event of a nuclear holocaust, 3 things would survive: cockroaches, Hot Pockets, and Monster drinks.
I wish these goddamned drinks actually worked for me. They never make feel anymore awake than I did before consumption. All I get is a increased heart rate and a bouncing leg. I could fall asleep after downing an entire can if I wanted to. I'd probably end up with a dream like something out of Crank 2: High Voltage, but I'd still be sleeping and not focusing on these f*cking stat notes.
Eff being a south campus major and having 2 sets of midterms.
I feel like in the event of a nuclear holocaust, 3 things would survive: cockroaches, Hot Pockets, and Monster drinks.
I wish these goddamned drinks actually worked for me. They never make feel anymore awake than I did before consumption. All I get is a increased heart rate and a bouncing leg. I could fall asleep after downing an entire can if I wanted to. I'd probably end up with a dream like something out of Crank 2: High Voltage, but I'd still be sleeping and not focusing on these f*cking stat notes.
Eff being a south campus major and having 2 sets of midterms.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Meaning of Life?
"I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn't always know this, and am happy I lived long enough to find it out."
-Roger Ebert
The master of the art of living makes little distinction
between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure,
his mind and his body, his education and his recreation,
his love and his religion.
He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does,
leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing.
To him, he is always doing both.
-Laozi
Oh yeah, new poll. Vote! It's anonymous.
-Roger Ebert
The master of the art of living makes little distinction
between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure,
his mind and his body, his education and his recreation,
his love and his religion.
He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does,
leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing.
To him, he is always doing both.
-Laozi
Oh yeah, new poll. Vote! It's anonymous.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Art
So I've been through Music, Comm/Soc/Psych, Econ, and Statistics, and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I think I'll inevitably be led back to some form of art. What's interesting is that many things can be viewed as an art, depending on how you look at them. When I think of the arts, I think of language/poetry, drawings/paintings/etc, and music. I guess theater is kind of an art too. And dance.
I'm sure some people regard engineering and computer programming as an art?
Anyway, the two I appreciate most are language and music. The thing that bothers me about language is that it seems to have intrinsic limits, while music seems capable of "expressing the inexpressible." But at the same time, that's what makes language so interesting to me. I want to push those limits. I have a long way to go before I reach that point. I feel so clumsy with words sometimes. How do I fix this?
Practice, practice, practice.
And I guess I should read more too?
Bring it, life!
P.S.
New pet peeves:
-People who buy expensive water
-Fat people eating McDonald's. It's like watching someone smoke through a hole in their throat. Or watching a diabetic eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch soaked in Sunkist. They need to be slapped.
Flight of the Conchords!
These guys are like the opposite of a pet peeve.
I know. Eloquently spoken.
I'm sure some people regard engineering and computer programming as an art?
Anyway, the two I appreciate most are language and music. The thing that bothers me about language is that it seems to have intrinsic limits, while music seems capable of "expressing the inexpressible." But at the same time, that's what makes language so interesting to me. I want to push those limits. I have a long way to go before I reach that point. I feel so clumsy with words sometimes. How do I fix this?
Practice, practice, practice.
And I guess I should read more too?
Bring it, life!
P.S.
New pet peeves:
-People who buy expensive water
-Fat people eating McDonald's. It's like watching someone smoke through a hole in their throat. Or watching a diabetic eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch soaked in Sunkist. They need to be slapped.
Flight of the Conchords!
These guys are like the opposite of a pet peeve.
I know. Eloquently spoken.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Puppet me
New goal:
To reach the point where I'm so famous, I have a muppet made after me that is featured in a series of commercials.
Shut up. I can dream.
To reach the point where I'm so famous, I have a muppet made after me that is featured in a series of commercials.
Shut up. I can dream.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Don't you hate when...
... you come up with a really good idea, and then forget it, but you still remember it was a really good idea that you told yourself to remember? F*ck that.
... you sip through a straw expecting Sprite/Sierra Mist, but you get seltzer water. *gag*
... the way you discover the hole in the sole of your shoe is by stepping in a puddle.
... when you choke on water and you're coughing and someone tells you, "Here, drink some water!"
... you can't think of more things you hate.
Anyway. Just for the segment on Fox News ft. the Shake Weight:
... you sip through a straw expecting Sprite/Sierra Mist, but you get seltzer water. *gag*
... the way you discover the hole in the sole of your shoe is by stepping in a puddle.
... when you choke on water and you're coughing and someone tells you, "Here, drink some water!"
... you can't think of more things you hate.
Anyway. Just for the segment on Fox News ft. the Shake Weight:
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Rain makes me lazy.
I like to read biographies of famous people. It's like a manual that teaches you how to be badass.
Exhibit A.
When I get bored in class, I draw a bigass tree and sketch each leaf individually. Good for killing time in a 3-hour lecture. 'Cause it takes about 5 hours to complete.
like this, only more leaves. A LOT more leaves.
I'm trying to get better at cursive. I think it makes me seem smarter.
Yeah, this is totally how I write now.
One of my proudest accomplishments as a music major was learning how to draw a decent tenor/alto/C clef.
booyah.
I went to Mai and Margaret's junior recital today and it was amazing how much they've improved. I'm kind of jealous. So proud of my ex-quartet-mates!
Exhibit A.
When I get bored in class, I draw a bigass tree and sketch each leaf individually. Good for killing time in a 3-hour lecture. 'Cause it takes about 5 hours to complete.
like this, only more leaves. A LOT more leaves.
I'm trying to get better at cursive. I think it makes me seem smarter.
Yeah, this is totally how I write now.
One of my proudest accomplishments as a music major was learning how to draw a decent tenor/alto/C clef.
booyah.
I went to Mai and Margaret's junior recital today and it was amazing how much they've improved. I'm kind of jealous. So proud of my ex-quartet-mates!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Things I'd rather not hear on a plane.
OK since I didn't put much effort into this post, I'm gonna put up a video. This guy's actually pretty funny.
Give him a chance:
I kinda hate flying. There's something about being 10,000 ft high with nothing between me and the ground that mildly terrifies me. So to comfort myself, I think of everything that could possibly make the flight worse. There's obvious stuff like, I dunno, having birds get caught in the engine and not having Sully Sullenberger there to land it in the Hudson, and then there are other things.
Here's something I'd rather not hear over the intercom:
"Everyone hold on, I'm gonna try something. *muffled* John, just because it isn't in the pilot manual doesn't mean this plane can't barrel-roll."I kinda hate flying. There's something about being 10,000 ft high with nothing between me and the ground that mildly terrifies me. So to comfort myself, I think of everything that could possibly make the flight worse. There's obvious stuff like, I dunno, having birds get caught in the engine and not having Sully Sullenberger there to land it in the Hudson, and then there are other things.
Here's something I'd rather not hear over the intercom:
It's always unsettling to me when the pilot asks "Is there a doctor on board?" Because you wonder what the hell is going on or what the fuck the person is dying of and if panicking is necessary and why your heart rate just tripled and you can feel your pulse in your temples.
But I guess I'd much rather hear that request than, say, "Is there a pilot on board?"
Or how about:
"We're approaching our destination. Get your parachutes ready."
Something tells me my seat cushion isn't gonna keep that 300lb fatty next to me afloat in the event of a water landing.
For some reason, its comforting to me to get on a plane that has the yellow slides that turn into rafts. I feel sorry for the people that end up in the water.
What if they moved all the luggage to the top of the plane and made a glass bottom?
Something tells me my seat cushion isn't gonna keep that 300lb fatty next to me afloat in the event of a water landing.
For some reason, its comforting to me to get on a plane that has the yellow slides that turn into rafts. I feel sorry for the people that end up in the water.
What if they moved all the luggage to the top of the plane and made a glass bottom?
Ever wonder what would happen if the wings just snapped off? You'd be going pretty fast. But probably not in the direction you'd prefer.
Andddd one more:
One week down.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Pet Peeves Part II
I'm not actually sure if there was a pet peeves part I, but I complain enough for this title to be justified. Anyway...
Why does it seem like all the ugly ones wear the "UCLA GIRLS ROCK" t-shirt?
Drivers who don't use their fucking blinkers and slam on the brakes before making a turn when I'm right behind them. In the rain.
Parking enforcement officers.
Overly enthusiastic cashiers.
People who still "poke" on facebook.
Professors who make really bad jokes.
And the lone douchebag who laughs at them.
People who say they "stop liking" someone because they find out that person is in a relationship and they wouldn't wanna be a "home wrecker." It implies that if that person found out you liked them, they'd abandon their significant other to be with you. Get over yourself.
The sound of sharpening a knife.
Unless you're a professional photographer, don't take pictures of your food. It rarely looks as good as you think and it proves that you're too boring to talk to the other people at the table because you'd rather take pictures of the condensation on your plastic water cup. If you're trying to avoid socializing, go ahead and take the pictures. But don't go home and upload the close-up low-angle black-and-white shot of the half-eaten tomato that fell out of your exotic-looking BLT.
People who think it's clever to turn words into "math equations," e.g. ba(na)²
[(ma) (d/du .5u²) sqrt(E/m) (ln e^k)]* people who think that's funny. ☺
When two people in a group have the same name and someone thinks it's outrageously clever to say "omfg it's like JOHN SQUARED!" No, it's not. Two people having the same name doesn't mean you can take a 2 and put it anywhere relative to the name. If there are two "John"s, you have (John + John), or 2(John), which doesn't sound nearly as intelligent as John², but at least it's correct, and not fucking retarded.
Too much cheese.
Why does it seem like all the ugly ones wear the "UCLA GIRLS ROCK" t-shirt?
Drivers who don't use their fucking blinkers and slam on the brakes before making a turn when I'm right behind them. In the rain.
Parking enforcement officers.
Overly enthusiastic cashiers.
People who still "poke" on facebook.
Professors who make really bad jokes.
And the lone douchebag who laughs at them.
People who say they "stop liking" someone because they find out that person is in a relationship and they wouldn't wanna be a "home wrecker." It implies that if that person found out you liked them, they'd abandon their significant other to be with you. Get over yourself.
The sound of sharpening a knife.
Unless you're a professional photographer, don't take pictures of your food. It rarely looks as good as you think and it proves that you're too boring to talk to the other people at the table because you'd rather take pictures of the condensation on your plastic water cup. If you're trying to avoid socializing, go ahead and take the pictures. But don't go home and upload the close-up low-angle black-and-white shot of the half-eaten tomato that fell out of your exotic-looking BLT.
People who think it's clever to turn words into "math equations," e.g. ba(na)²
[(ma) (d/du .5u²) sqrt(E/m) (ln e^k)]* people who think that's funny. ☺
When two people in a group have the same name and someone thinks it's outrageously clever to say "omfg it's like JOHN SQUARED!" No, it's not. Two people having the same name doesn't mean you can take a 2 and put it anywhere relative to the name. If there are two "John"s, you have (John + John), or 2(John), which doesn't sound nearly as intelligent as John², but at least it's correct, and not fucking retarded.
Too much cheese.
People who say "no offense."
"You're kind of an asshole, no offense."
So what do we call this decade anyway? The twenty-tens? That bothers me too.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
