F*ck my Life

It always gets soggy so quickly...

Private

Been writing as promised. But it's on private. Ha.

Protected left turns are for pussies.

HWY DETOUR

I had to play in Silverlake tonight which involved taking 405 to 10 to 110 to 101.

On the way back, EVERY. FUCKING. EXIT. was closed. And it took over an hour to get back.

I was so angry I started honking at random people. It was bad.

Time for Benito's. Followed by getting high on some CTC. Yes.

Altruism

How rare is it?

If you were told you could devote 20 years of your life to a project that would better the lives of hundreds of thousands of people, but would receive no personal thanks, recognition, or monetary reward for your good deeds, would you still do it?

I'd like to think I would, but I'm not entirely sure.


FINALLY HIKED THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN BOOYAH BITCHES!

RIP USA

"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it." -P. J. O'Rourke

Fuck politics. Fuck the Tea Party.

Sometimes I feel that people should be required to pass some sort of screening test before they can vote. Or run for office. I'm with Plato: Let's replace our politicians with philosopher-kings.

Education should be free.

We need to get Zack de la Rocha over to UCLA to get people pumped up. Imagine having Rage Against the Machine at Bruin Bash.

Sadly Happy

Is everyone bipolar to a degree or is it just me?

Too tired after work + going out to ever write anything anymore.

Listening to TI makes me feel gangster. But I'd never bump that shit with the windows down. Yadadamean.

CONFIDENCE
FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT

Bitch.

IAMNOWHERE

"We are all human."

Sometimes I read that like it's a beautiful thing. Other times, it depresses me.

Right now, I'm too tired to care.


Good rehearsal last night. Let's keep it up.

August 2

It's past midnight, but it's not technically August 3 until I sleep and wake up. That's a scientific fact.

W is a weird letter. Can you figure out why?

Go Away, August

Dvorak is too goddamn difficult.

I feel like my interest in the abstract makes me a bad conversationalist. I hate when I'm just talking and it feels like I'm going through the motions. Saying the same crap over and over again.

Here are a few things I'd really like to understand better:
Music. How it affects people differently. The effects of certain harmonies, chord progressions, etc.
Cars. How they work. What makes a car run smoothly, powerfully, etc. How to fix and modify a car. I don't give a shit about rims and spoilers, more the mechanics.
Sports. I honestly don't care much about sports, but I know a lot of people like to talk about it.
Martial arts. The rise of MMA. Guns and how they work. It would probably be good to learn some form of self-defense too.
Politics. Why some forms of government are better than others. Why some movements are successful while many others fail. What it takes to make legitimate change.
The Middle East. Islam. The Arabic language. Farsi.
Money. Investing. What it takes to be successful.

I hate when I read a book for the sake of "bettering" myself, but by the time I finish I feel I got nothing out of it. I honestly feel that to get the most out of a book, you have to read it at least twice.

It's not hard work. It's just working hard.

UGH

"A pair of oxen were drawing a heavily loaded wagon along the highway, and as they tugged and strained at the yoke the axletrees creaked and groaned terribly. This was too much for the oxen, who turned round indignantly and said, "Hey, you there! Why do you make such a noise when we do all the work?"

They complain most who suffer least

I am totally an axletree. Sigh.

And... Scene.

Posting every day throughout August.

Expect a lot of pretentious self-serving brain diarrhea.


Muse is the shit and Tom Morello is a fucking boss. That is all.

Hallow shells of human beings

"Woe to you, Parking Enforcement Officers! You travel over land and sea to write a single parking ticket. You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?"
-Matthew 23:40

That's right. Listen to Jesus.

Seriously, who gives a U-Haul truck a parking ticket when people are trying to move out? Find me a U-Haul parked legally and I'll find you a parking enforcement officer with a soul.

Has anyone else noticed that 99.8%* of parking enforcement officers are fat, ugly, scowling, social rejects? They don't actually start out that way. They start out as normal, average looking people.


"I'm unemployed and the only things I'm good at are driving white Priuses and being a douchebag. I guess there's only one future for me..."



First day on the job!









A week later.




I wanna find the Parking Enforcement headquarters where they park all their little white Priuses and do this:

Fist pump included.





*The other 0.2% of them have Dorian Gray situations and end up killing themselves. Don't worry. I didn't spare anyone.

Dumb Journalists, Lazy Scientists

I'm getting sick of articles like these:

Can Exercise Make Kids Smarter? (Sept 2010)

Your Brain on Exercise (July 2010)

Vigorous Exercise Linked With Better Grades (June 2010)

What Sort of Exercise Can Make You Smarter? (Sept 2009)

Exercise on the Brain (Nov 2007)


It's not so much that journalists are using completely recycled material that bothers me. Often I think the messages behind these repackaged articles are good ones, and tend to inspire people to better themselves. The thing that pisses me off is the constant claim that these findings come from "a number of new studies." While I don't doubt that scientists are conducting these experiments, they are certainly beginning to seem redundant.

Hey scientists, stop telling people why exercise is good for us or why test-taking improves learning or why it's important to get enough sleep! These feel-good studies are useless. Parents teach their kids this sh*t all the time. Kids don't need your stupid research to back their mom's claim that vegetables are good for them. Isn't it about time you cured cancer anyway? Where are the Darwins or Einsteins or Watson and Cricks of our time?

How to be Funny

*dedicated to Kevin*
I hope your expectations are low!


Being funny is hardly an art. Anyone can be funny. You don't have to be particularly clever. Most of the time, there's a fine line between being funny and being obnoxious. And how difficult is it to be obnoxious? It's practically second nature for most people. If you have no trouble being an ass, you're 90% there.

That being said, here are some things that I've found generally work:



quoting funny movies

(if you don't know what movie I'm referencing, we can't be friends.)


making puns

Caution: puns can be dangerous. Side-effects may include pity-laughs, loss of friends, or death.


farting



sarcasm



making fun of bros





laughing at everything

(this situation is also funny because the guy craving hummus is white.)


impressions



saying something really awkward with a straight face

*(see side-effects for puns)


racist jokes


And finally...
wit!
While all these other examples prove how easy it is to be funny without being clever, wit still gets the most respect. If you don't know how to be witty, ask Kelly. Because I don't know how to be. Try talking about grapes being the fruit of hope or something.
:)



On another note...

I wish Google Maps included traffic at Wooden.
I also think they should play Crazy Frog music at the gym:

Think of how cracked out everyone would be. You can't listen to Crazy Frog and NOT get a good workout. Just lying here on the futon and typing is making my heart race thanks to Crazy Frog. Or maybe it was the 7 piece of bacon I ate for breakfast...

WHY AM I WASTING SO MUCH TIME