F-ing Time

Everyone knows that time seems to speed up as you get older. Summer vacation felt like an eternity in middle school, but now it practically flies by.

I've always thought that this was because each year is relatively smaller to the total time you've lived. For example, when you're 4 years old, one year represents 25% of your lifetime. At 20, a year is a mere 5% of your life. Birthdays stop being such a big deal. After 21, no one really give's a sh*t about your birthday until you hit 30, and after that, you pretty much go by the decade.

Anyway, I found this chart made by some dude who has a similar hypothesis but decided to waste a ton of time coming up with complex equations to explain our "Effective Age," (EA) which reflects the idea that based on our perception of time, our lives are halfway over by the time we're 10. Assuming we live into our 80s.

time (yrs.)  EA (yrs.)  Life%
0            0.0      0
1           12.6      16
2           20.0      25
3           25.2      32
4           29.3      37
5           32.6      41
10          43.7      55
15          50.5      63
20          55.4      69
30          62.5      78
40          67.6      85
50          71.6      89
60          74.8      94
70          77.6      97
80          80.0      100

That kinda scares the crap out of me. I've taken comfort in the idea that modern medicine will progress enough in my lifetime to make living to be 100 much more common... and since I'm 21, I should have at least 3 more lifetimes to live, right? But according to this chart, I'm practically 70% through my perceived time alive.
So.
Depressing.

Time to turn to religion.


...or Chappelle!

Poor little fatties

I remember reading an article on abnormal psychology and childhood obesity. Apparently fat people are often mentally unstable. (Makes sense when you compare the percentage of our country that's overweight and the percentage that believes Obama is a Muslim non-citizen terrorist-sympathizing socialist maniac.)
Anyway, on the side of the article there was a photo of a fat kid gleefully frolicking across the beach right above a caption grimly describing the epidemic of obesity in this country. Did this kid agree to have his picture published? Was he bribed with a 3 Musketeers? Maybe that's why he looks so happy in the photo. Were his parents f*cked up enough to allow this to happen? The article was in a textbook at least 10 years old and it's very possible that the kid has reached the age where he might be studying this shit. How distressing would it be to outgrow your embarrassing tubbster phase just to find a photo of you prancing around the sand in all your obese glory branded into the side of an article about abnormal psychology condemning mentally unstable fatties. After all those years of bullying you endured and all the hours you put in at the gym to hide your insecurities with bulging pecs, a little picture published in millions of textbooks comes back to undo ALL THAT EFFORT ASDLFASHKDFASALFJDS!


Anyone recognize me circa 1998?

I'm so sad I can't find the picture I'm actually talking about...Anyway, to all the poster children for those anti-childhood-obesity campaigns: I salute you.